I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
