Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
you inspire me to be a worse person
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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