he puts the penis in happiness.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
She has the best kind of daddy issues
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
