who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
