After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
