Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
