Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
