There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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