New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
