I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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