okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
