I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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