Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
