shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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