Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
