I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
