So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
