i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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