Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
It's shark week go big or go home
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize