Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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