her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize