the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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