Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
