watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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