hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize