I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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