At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
