it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
smell my finger.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Randomize