So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
