girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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