but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
