do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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