Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize