chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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