i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
The best revenge is premature balding
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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