i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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