Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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