i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
