I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Alive.
So much puke
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
