Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You don't make any sense
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