I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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