I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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