South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
