I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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