There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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