Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
