i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Randomize
