After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
