i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
