I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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