I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
