do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
