I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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