Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Randomize
