Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
