do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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