did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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