Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
How does one acquire holy water?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
