I seem to have left my pride at pride
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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