i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
