The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
