Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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