Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
