These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
so much tequila, so little girl.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
