I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
