you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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