she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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