I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
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