i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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