Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize