I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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