im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize