I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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