Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize