dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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