Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
