Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
