Small penises have feelings too.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
