I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
