Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
