my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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