Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
