I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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