So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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