I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
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